The Black Crowes - Craptacular

I love rock and roll, more than anything. I love pure and good rock and roll, not packaged. I like great rock stars, bands who hate each other, the drug struggles. There is everything to like about the Black Crowes. They are family, their music is organic and real. They can't stand each other. Chris Robinson is clearly some kind of dick, which is important in being a rock star for some reason. So what isn't to love about the Black Crowe's story? Nothing. I don't have a single reason not to like the Black Crowes. Ok, one. Their music bores the shit out of me.

Every Black Crowes song sounds the same to me. Weak ass blues riffs and lots of noise that serves nothing. I know what you are saying, "you should see them live, man." I have. They were almost as bad as Blues Traveler (one of my favorite bands, and the absolute worst live show EVER). It was a few years ago, and I wasn't dazzled. For one thing, they didn't play any hits. You can call that musical integrity if you want. However, after paying $70 for tickets and parking... then beers at $6 a piece... I want to hear a fucking hit! It's funny, because at that show (Brotherly Love tour) thought the Crowe's would kill, and Oasis would tank. Oasis - pretentious limey bastards. Lemme tell you, Oasis KILLED at that show.

Rich Robinson just kept playing a bluesy E chord and Chris Robinson reminded himself how hot he was. There was not a genuine moment to the whole thing.

I swear I try to love the Black Crowes. I mean, I love the guys in the band.  Chris Robinson is nuts, but in a great way.  Plus, Chris now sings and tours with Bob Weir from the Grateful Dead.  That tells me right there he has talent and is not an asshole.   Did you ever hear the story about them getting kicked off the ZZ Top tour?   There was a huge Budweiser banner hanging from the stage. Robinson went off on the company and said "this tour is sponsored by no one" and subsequently was kicked off the tour.  Keep in mind, they are just openers, being given the chance of a lifetime.  Who sponsored or ran that tour was none of their business.  Still, I respect that SO much.  That rules! That is rock and roll!

 How about when the brothers were touring and not speaking to each other Rich (guitarist) told the staff and roadies that if anyone was caught getting drugs for brother Chris (singer), they would be fired. Chris then pulled same staff aside and told them if they would NOT get him drugs they would be fired. That is so fuckin' rock and roll it kills me.

Chris Robinson sang the Zeppelin catalog for Jimmy Page, and then joined Phil Lesh for a Grateful Dead offshoot tour. Oh, and he was nailing Kate Hudson. The man is a rock god. Still, the music just does nothing for me. I fully understand the shit I will take, but know that I am always extremely honest... at least about music. Oh, and that album cover above? It got them kicked out of Wal Mart, the largest music retailer in America. Commercial risk like that takes balls of steel.

So, Chris Robinson clearly has skills.  He has been picked up by the multiple remains of Led Zeppelin and the Grateful Dead.  All that is left is to take over Pink Floyd.  Plus, he has a great sense of humor and is brutally honest.  He did this series for you tube called "20 years of tall tales" where he answers myths and questions about him and the band.  It is 7 or 8 series that is incredible.

I still love the Blues Traveler's music, and and a small fraction of the Black Crowes stuff.  But I avoid either band live at all costs.