Oh, Stevie

So, there is a big rumor that Lindsay Lohan is going to play Stevie Nicks in an upcoming biopic. It's a pretty solid rumor. Know why? It came from Lindsay Lohan. Doesn't seem like a bad fit. They are both over-rated and under talented. They both love blow. They are both narcissists. Fine, whatever.

Well, Stevie Nicks got wind of this and had a shit fit. Yeah, dig this quote:

Why, Stevie? What do you care? This movie will make you cool again. You can buy all new scarves and shit. You might be able to do a single interview without having to talk about Lindsay (Buckingham, the real talent). Wouldn't this be good for Stevie? Well, not in Stevie's eyes. Why? Well, it appears Stevie feels Lindsay isn't up to snuff. Specifically >

See, Stevie is concerned that Lindsay would be an unfair representative of her, since Lindsay has been known to dig the coke. Stevie says Lindsay is an unfit choice because her love of drugs. Just want to make sure we are all on the same page here. See, Stevie used to do drugs, too. I mean... a LOT. More than Elton John and Slash combined. How much coke did Stevie do? Well, lore has it that after Stevie's septum collapsed from too much blow, she had an assistant whose job it was to

blow cocaine up her asshole. **** (see below)

Read that again, because I ain't typing it again. How do you even do that? Scratch that, I don't want to know. What I do want to know is how in the world Stevie loves blow? Her own words. She speaks of her past wistfully:

I mean, who cares if Stevie did blow? It isn't my business. Who cares if Lohan does blow? It is also not my business. However, as the voice of a generation, it does become my business when Stevie pulls a Slash*.

* 'pulling a Slash' - last year, for likely very good reason, Slash fired Scott Weiland for having a drug problem. That is like Hitler accusing you of being an anti-semite. That is like Liberace telling you not to 'get all gay about it'. That's like David Caruso telling you to keep your sunglasses on.

**** with zero exception, this is my absolute favorite rock myth.  I have heard many, if not all.  That Bon Jovi/Dave Matthews has AIDS and it quitting music.  Phil Collins watched a guy watch a guy drown, Marilyn Manson had ribs removed to be able to blow himself, James Taylor lost his girlfriend in a plane crash, and far too many Ozzy stories (most of which are true).  But cocaine up the asshole, I LOVE this.  I mean... how does that work?  How do you get powder up your butthole?  In conversation, I have told this story.  Most are amused and puzzled as I am.  A few however, come back immediately with this:  "oh yeah, makes sense.  The butthole has TONS of receptors and blood vessels.".  These are the people at the party that I quietly move away from... unless they have blow of course.


Oh my gosh! I agree that Lindsay Lohan is not a far match at all. But good heavens! Blow cocaine up her asshole! What on earth! isn't that painful! Disturbing!
Anonymous said…
Did you just say Lohan is the real talent over Nicks? What a burden it must be to be as stupid as you.

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