Who is Ozzy?

* for Regan

Ozzy Osbourne is now very famous, which is cool.  Mostly, he is famous for his tv show.  I love Ozzy, always have and always will.  Ozzy's music is great.  His first two solo albums with Randy Rhodes are just stunning.  Ozzy has always been a big influence on me.  I got to meet him when I was a kid and it was about the best thing ever.  I was so excited I was shaking, and he asked why I was shaking and if I was ok.  He is a sweet and wonderful and funny guy.  That isn't why I am writing, though.  Also, those sentences were stilted, and feel like they were generated and assembed by a machine.  Blame the meds!  I do, and I know Ozzy would approve.

I can prove all three with this little gem.  Ozzy spent some time in prison when he was a young hooligan.  In order to cheer himself up, he tattooed smiley faces on his knee caps.  Most guys in prison give themselves tattoos to make them look more bad ass.  Not Ozzy. Ozzy did not want to be a bad ass, and he certainly didn't want to be in prison.  Now, we are getting closer >

So, who is Ozzy?  Ozzy is that first cup of coffee in the morning on a foggy fall day.  Ozzy is the line of ants you snort to freak out Tommy Lee.  Ozzy is the smile on a puppies face.  Ozzy is the feathers falling from a recently decapitated pigeon head. Ozzy is the prayer at night that she isn't pregnant.  Ozzy is the moment you realize the light you passed under was not yellow, but red.

Ozzy is that guy/gal over at Safeway.  He/she wears makeup, has a high voice, and a womans' name on his tag.  Yet, he also has a beard and an adam's apple.  Listen, dude.  I don't care if you feel you are a woman, or a man.  I, and I think everyone else who shops here, just want you to choose or the other.  Wanna be a chick and wear make up?  Cool, go nuts.  Try shaving, though.

Ozzy is how I used to freak out your parents.

Ozzy is a mensch, and a total nutjob.  He is kind and funny and thoughtful.  People thought Ozzy worshipped the Devil.   Not remotely!  I would say Ozzy is a better Christian than you or I.  He provides for his community and family.  When I was a long haired teen, I listened to a lot of Ozzy growing up.  My mom was terrified that I was being summoned by great demons in his music.  So, I sat her down one night and showed her all his lyrics from the cassette of 'blizzard of ozz'.  Here are some examples of his demonic musings:

Crazy Train

I've listened to preachers,
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role

Goodbye to Romance

I've been the king, I've been the clown
Now broken wings can't hold me down
I'm free again
The jester with the broken crown
It won't be me this time around
To love in vain

And the weather's looking fine
And I think the sun will shine again
And I feel I've cleared my mind
All the past is left behind again

Revalation Mother Earth

Mother please forgive them  For they know not what they do
Looking back in history's books  It seems it's nothing new
Oh, let my mother live

Heaven is for heroes  And hell is full of fools
Stupidity, no will to live   They're breaking God's own rules
Please let my mother live

Father of all creation  I think we're all going wrong
The path they're taking  Seems to be breaking
And it won't take too long
Children of the future  Watching empires fall
Madness, the cup they drink from  Self destruction, the toll

Steal Away the Night

Could it be a dream come true
Now that I am here with you?
Tearful eyes of joy is something new, yeah
Run away with me tonight
Dream the dream and light the light
Happiness is what you give to me, yeah

Those were from his first solo album.  Have you seen the cover?  It really is fucked up and disturbing, no question.  That was just marketing, and maybe to scare away folks like my mom.  I mean, look at this album art.  Yet, the songs are just sappy poems about love and regret.

It's quite brilliant.  If a parent sees these album covers, as mine did... they freak.  It's his intent.  If you look at the lyrics, though (which were always printed inside) it's all lovey dovey.  Take a look at the samples above.

It's also super important to see Ozzy's sense of humor.  Here is some top notch total nonsense from Black Sabbath in their darkest period -

going home, late last night.  yeah suddenly I got a friend

I looked out the window and a surprised what I saw -

a fairy with boots and dancing with a dwarf

that isn't satanism.  that is a guy who is super duper baked with healthy sense of silly.  the kind of silly that tattoos smiley faces on his knees in prison to cheer himself up.

In closing, as for the stories you have heard... yeah they are all true.  He was a serious drug and alcohol addict.  He did bite the head off a dove on purpose, and did bite the head off a live bat (on accident).  He did pee on the Alamo.  He did get so drunk one night that he blacked out and tried to kill his wife.  All hail Ozzy!